How to Write Vows for a Wedding

How to Write Vows for a Wedding – One of the most important aspects of a wedding is the vows that a couple take. Many people will say that it is these words that set a couple’s marriage apart from others. If you are struggling to find the right words for your own personal vows, then this article is for you.

Thinking about writing your own wedding vows? It’s a tremendous undertaking, summing up your love, dreams, and promises to your partner in a few short minutes. Overwhelming as it can be, it’s well worth it: It’s a chance to tell your story, give guests a peek into what makes your relationship tick, and share meaningful words with the person you love.

It’s also intimate. After all, you’re really baring your heart to the love of your life, and you’re doing so in front of your family and closest friends. If you’re up for the challenge, we’re here to help along.

How To Write Wedding Vows Step By Step

Writing memorable wedding vows is all about speaking from the heart and putting your feelings onto paper, but it isn’t always easy. Follow our template for writing wedding vows to help you craft perfect words and avoid running into any writer’s block:

Part 1: Prepare to Write Your Vows

1. Get clearance from your officiant. Make sure it’s acceptable for you to write your own wedding vows.
2. Agree that you and your significant other will be writing your own vows. Both people have to be equally committed to this concept, or the guests will be able to tell. Writing your own vows isn’t for everybody.
3. Take the time to reflect on your love. Once you and your future spouse have committed to writing your vows, you should take some time, both separately and together, to think about what you love about each other and what makes your relationship special.^[2] This will help you brainstorm ideas for your vows, and you will hopefully see that you have so many wonderful things to say about your significant other that it’ll be nearly impossible to trim down your vows! Here are some ways to reflect on your love:
   • Make a vow date. Seriously. Go to a romantic restaurant, or your favorite restaurant, have some wine, and talk about what you love about each other. Share your best memories of the relationship, discuss the hardest thing you went through together, and talk about the moment you knew you wanted to be with each other forever.
   • Don’t be afraid to be a little silly during your vow date! Goofy memories work too. Bring a notebook and jot down some ideas.
   • Take time to reflect on your own. Write your thoughts about your loved one in a journal.
   • If you have kept a journal throughout the course of the relationship, go through it to see if you can gain any insight into the relationship.
4. Make a vow plan with your future spouse. Once you have both reflected on your relationship, you can discuss some of the nitty-gritty of your vows so you make sure that you are on the same page and present a united front to your guests. Here are some important things to decide on before you jump into writing your vows:
   • A time or a word limit. Most vows are around one minute long, or 150 words long. Don’t make them any longer than that. Keep it short and sweet or your guests will get restless.
   • Decide on a tone. Will it be serious with just a touch of humor? Poetic and lighthearted? Deeply romantic? Though you don’t have to have the exact same tone as your partner, your vows won’t sound right if you went for “deeply romantic” while he chose “completely hilarious.” Remember that, while you are welcome to show your silly sides, that there should be a serious undertone. You are making a lifelong commitment, after all.
   • Decide on a structure. Go for a matching structure, such as starting with “I promise…” or “I pledge…” You can also have the same opening or closing line, such as “Thank you for wanting to be with me forever.” You can refine the structure as you start writing, if you like.
   • Decide whether you will write them together or separately. Will you share all of your thoughts during the process, run them by each other at the end, or keep them a surprise until it’s time to get married?
   • Decide on a due date. This may sound silly, but you should have your vows done at least a month before the wedding so you don’t end up writing them overnight. The more time you take to write them, the more you will be able to express how you really feel.

Part 2: Write Your Vows

1. Write what you love about your beloved. Brainstorm all of the things that make your future spouse so special. This could be his or her beautiful blue eyes, the way your loved one can make you smile no matter how awful you feel, or how your significant other knows exactly what you’re thinking even if you’re miles away.
   • Make a list of adjectives that describe your beloved’s best qualities. Think about the ones you want to emphasize in your vows.
   • Focus on anecdotes to help emphasize your beloved’s best qualities. Saying he is “kind” is less effective than talking about the time he cleaned the whole house because he knew your family was coming for a visit.
   • Think about the times your beloved has really been there for you. All good relationships still have some rough patches, and you should think about how your loved one showed character when he helped you through a rough time in your life.
2. Mention key memories in your relationship. Write down the most memorable moments you have shared with your future spouse. This could be anything from your amazing vacation to Napa Valley to the time he stayed in to watch two days worth of bad television with you when you had all of your wisdom teeth taken out.
   • Think about the places you have gone together, from a special hike on a mountain top to your favorite restaurant.
   • Think about key milestones in your relationship. This could be anything from getting a dog together, moving in together, your first date, or the moment you knew it was meant to be.
   • Think about the hardest time of your relationship. How did you work through it together?
3. Write down the promises you want to make to your future spouse. Depending on who your significant other is and what memories you’ve shared, you’ll write a list of promises you will make to your loved one forever. Some can be serious, like always apologizing no matter what, or never going to bed angry, while others can be more fun, like promising to always do the dishes as long as you can win the thermostat war.
   • Remember that in most traditional vows, people promise to be there for their loved one in sickness and in health, through the good times and the bad, and to support them no matter what. Find a personal way to make some of these same points, since that’s what marriage is really all about.
4. Remember to be yourself. You may be so focused on writing the perfect vows and impressing your guests that you’re forgetting to show what makes you who you are, and what makes your loved one so special. If you’re both really silly together, go the silly route. If you’re both hopeless romantics, don’t be afraid to go over-the-top with some poetic phrases. This is your day and you should show off who you really are.
   • You can look at other vows, read poetry, or browse the Internet for inspiration. You can ask a close friend who recently wrote her own vows if she would share them with you. These can be helpful guides, but don’t lean too much on the words of other people, and focus on showing what makes your relationship unique.
   • If you have a sense of humor, throw in a lighthearted joke! After saying something serious, you can tell your loved one, “I promise to always watch Monday night football with you, as long as you still bring me flowers every week.”
   • Remember to be yourself, but don’t forget your audience. You can still share the best parts of who you are and what your relationship means without isolating, confusing, or boring your audience. Does Grandma Flo want to hear about your beloved’s amazing foot massages? Probably not.
5. Avoid clichés. As you write your vows, it may be tempting to fall into clichés. The point of writing your own vows is to make them as personal as possible, so try to find the most original ways of showing how you feel. Avoid calling your future spouse your “best friend” or your “soul mate,” or saying that your “heart melted” when you first met.
   • You should avoid clichés, but don’t obsessed over being too original. If your beloved really is your best friend, don’t be afraid to say so. But for the most part, focus on writing the vows that only you could have written.
6. Get feedback. Once you feel confident about your vows, it’s time to get some feedback. Though you may think that your vows will bring your audience to tears, you need to make sure that you’ve set the right tone and have clearly communicated your feelings before you share them with the world. Here are some people to ask for feedback:
   • If you and your spouse-to-be have agreed to share your vows, ask what he really thinks.
   • Ask a trusted best friend who really knows you and your relationship to see if it’s communicating everything you want to say.
   • Ask your parents, or even your grandparents, for advice. Having the insight of an elder will help you understand more about the nature of love.
7. Prepare to say your vows. Once you’ve got your vows down, all you have to do is focus on the execution. You should practice saying them enough times that it sounds natural, but don’t say them so many times that your vows sound too rehearsed. They are supposed to come from the heart, after all.
   • Focus on speaking clearly and maintaining eye contact with your beloved while glancing at the audience.
   • Remember that on your wedding day, your vows won’t sound just like they did when you rehearsed them. You will be a little bit choked up, and that’s okay! Your vows will only sound sweeter if your audience sees how much you truly love your future spouse.

Tips For Writing Wedding Vows

If you’re having trouble with steps 1-10, don’t worry. Keep the following tips for writing your wedding vows in mind while going through the steps above:

• Start early. Begin crafting your  vows early so you’ll have plenty of time to find inspiration, to procrastinate and to enjoy thinking up all the reasons you are saying, “I, Do!”
• Talk vows over with your fiancé. You’ll want to keep the final product a secret and surprise for your wedding day. Although, it can help you feel more comfortable getting started if you and your partner agree on a certain style, format or tone for your vows. Will the two of you incorporate some of the same promises as traditional wedding vows? Are you going to stick to romantic promises or incorporate a more light-hearted tone? Some couples even decide to share their vows with each other before the wedding day. The best part is that the two of you get to decide what you prefer!
• Surround yourself with memories. Whether it’s old photographs, your first love note or special keepsakes, these items will remind you of all the moments the two of you have shared with one another. One moment may remind you of another which, may lead to that one time and the next thing you know it, you’ll have too many ideas.
• Make a list. When you first sit down to write your vows, don’t be stressed about writing complete sentences. Start jotting down everything that comes to mind.
• If you get stuck, answer a few questions about your relationship. 
  • Why did you decide to get married?
  • What did you think when you first saw him/her?
  • When did you realize you were in love?
  • What do you have now that you didn’t have before you met?
  • How has she/he changed your view of the world?
  • What do you miss when you’re apart from each other?
  • What hard times have you gone through together?
  • What makes your relationship tick?
• Get inspired. You can look through different wedding vow examples including the ones featured below. You’ll be able to find plenty of inspiration. You can also pull inspiration from your favorite poets, authors, o romantic movies, as long as you don’t let someone else’s words overpower your own.  Once you’ve found a few ideas you love, determine what it is about those vows that you are drawn to and try to incorporate that into your own.
• Avoid anything too personal or embarrassing. You’ll want your guests to be able to follow along with what you’re saying and be a part of this special moment. Limit the inside jokes and any words you second guess as you re-read what you’ve written. You can also have a friend read through your vows and make sure you didn’t miss anything.
• Take a break. Sometimes your best writing happens when you come back to it the next day. If you need a break, then take one. This is the reason you started early in the first place.

Wedding Vows For Her

Your vows are the perfect chance to let your guests in on the true love the two of you share. Use our collection of thoughtful wedding vows for her as inspiration or use them word-for-word on your big day. Aside from your big day, you can also use these words in your wedding thank you card wording. 

• I promise to love you, honor you, and cherish you as my husband.
• I am proud to be your loving wife, ecstatic to discover what is next in our lives, and thrilled that our every day will be together on this adventure.
• I promise to laugh with you and to laugh at myself.
• You are the love of my life and I am proud to marry you. I promise to support your dreams and to be there for you for all eternity.
• I vow to be a loving and devoted wife, without judgement, without scorn, but always with an open heart and mind.
• We are best friends, with unending happiness, always having the best time, let’s solve life’s mysteries together one embrace at a time.
• I truly love all I know of you and long to learn more as we grow old together, falling for you a little more each day, being part of your life and connected in every way forever.
• You are my forever, my best friend, my dream come true, my shoulder to lean on, my husband. You are my everything.
• I vow to listen, to speak lovingly, to give generously all of myself, to care, to heal, to rejoice, and to pray with you forever and always.
• I love you to the moon and back. And so much more than that.

Wedding Vows For Him

On your wedding day, you are celebrating your best friend and lifelong partner and you’ll want the words you select to embrace that. Create wedding vows that stay true to the both of you and find inspiration with the wedding vows for him below. 

• I vow to make my life forever yours and build my dreams around you.
• I promise to be the man that I see now in your eyes, today, tomorrow, and for always.
• You are the first person I want to see in the morning and the last at night. I look forward to loving the smallest moments, like your eyes while you toss your hair. Spin a coin into a fountain and make a wish for us. You are my wish come true.
• I vow to always protect you from harm, to stand with you against your troubles, and look to you when I need protection.
• I know you. I know you as my love who has always been and will always be. I name you my wife and cannot wait to continue our eternal loving journey.
• In your eyes, I have found my home. In your heart, I have found my love. In your soul, I have found my mate. With you, I am whole, full, alive. You make me laugh. You let me cry. You are my breath, my every heartbeat.
• You know me better than anyone else in this world and somehow still you manage to love me. You are my best friend and one true love. There is still a part of me today that cannot believe that I’m the one who gets to marry you.
• I see these vows not as promises but as privileges: I get to laugh with you and cry with you; care for you and share with you. I get to run with you and walk with you; build with you and live with you.
• I pledge to listen to your advice, and occasionally take it. I pledge to never keep score… even if I’m totally winning. I pledge to always admire your huge, strong, kind and determined heart. I pledge that I will love you.
• I am so happy to be able to tell you – I do, I will, and I always will – whatever I have is yours.

Conclusion

At some point, every bride comes to the realization that she needs to make vows for her wedding. This can be scary because it may seem like a daunting task. But don’t worry, this article has made it easy as possible for you.